Thursday, September 27, 2012

My Best Me I can Be...

OK! So today is day three of my new promise on life==== I woke up the other day and realized that I feel like I am 75 years old,,,,I am only 35!!! I have several friends who have taken the green challenge and have been successful and the only thing I really have to lose is the WEIGHT!!! I need to feel better! I WANT to feel better!

As many of you know I went through a tremendously rough time in my 20's and went thru losing both of my children, one of which I still am not able to see as of yet(going on 9yrs). I really let myself get into a funk, Not just with food as my comfort but I went through the horrible addiction to illegal drugs, one of which is extremely bad(will remained unnamed)! I had the effects of losing and then regaining the weight, only to weigh more than I did before. I carried this into my early 30s and finally stepped off the roller coaster, physically, mentally and emotionally) 20 months ago. I have allowed myself time to feel emotions that I had long since tried to drown. I have allowed myself the time to figure out what I like and what I don't. Who I need to depend on and who I shouldn't. I know that some people have the good fortune to figure this out in life early. O that is SO good! But, I, on the other hand.....I am MUCH more rebellious and just needed to figure out things the hard, and bad, way.

Not only have I regained my sense of self(for the first time EVER) I have been able to become sensitive to the things that my body feels and experiences. Like when I feel like taking an extra bite of brownie, just because it's there, and that turns into me eating 4 pieces! Who wants to be as big as a house? STEP RIGHT UP! I do not! Although, right now I am only a couple bricks shy of a half-a-house! :((
With All that said.......I am determined to put my dirty laundry out there for others to see....and follow. I am not doing this to brag, but to have some sort of accountability, other than myself....and we all know where that has led to...yes?

I am journaling my days(as I have become accustomed to do on paper) in this virtual world. It will be my good days....and my bad days.....I will include pictures......I will want to rant and rave. But mostly, I don not care if you like it, me, or not....I intend to stick with it. If I fail, It will only be because I failed, yet again, to follow through with something. And I know that has been a pattern in my past to do when I get bored with something.
So here I am, warts(and fat) and it or I go.......

Day 1,2,3 September 25-27, 2012  (weighed in at 202.5lbs)

I have been doing the XFIT routines I found on Youtube....twice a day. Most of them are only 12-15 mins long, but are extremely intense(comparable to Insanity!), I have been drinking nothing but water all day, and 2 cups of coffee in the mornings. My meals have consisted of fruit for breakfast(or a 1cup bowl of Special K), a lean cuisine meal for lunch(no more than 300 cals) and for dinner a palm sized protien(which still makes me not feel too good) and a veggie, so far all I have is broccolli or stir fry veggies. I only have two snacks a day(green apples) and stop eating at 6... no matter how late I stay up. And, if I find my self hungry, I drink another glass of water.....and go to bed :)

Today(9-27-12) (weighed in at 199.6), I have had no meat, stepped up my workout to include more of my upper body and am researching detox drinks. Right now I dont have the money to purchase fresh organic fruits(such a shame) however, when I do, I wand to be ready to go full force, and be knowledgeable about my options.

Okay I think I am gonna figure out how to post my before pics now....this is so embarrassing but I want to remind myself WHY I am doing this.......

OK! OK! I know I didn't have to ....but....I want you to see the extend of what I am dealing with here....

So On these notes...You can see why I purpose to become the healthiest that I can! I am not asking to become an anorexic teeny weeny little girl, but I want to become the best ME that I can be....I don't know how long it will take, but I do know that I have to start.......So.....who's with me?

Bye For Now,

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